It hit me hard.

I opened my email to check for updates regarding my application for an overseas job and that's when it gotten into me.

First of all, working abroad was (and still is) my longtime dream. As a matter of fact, I've been attempting since 2010 by submitting requirements and whatabouts to every single agency I bumped with. Unfortunately, I haven't been lucky. Frustration crept in that I told myself come 2012 I'll be seeing myself setting foot on a foreign soil. And nope, luck still hasn't come my way. Until recently...

Not going so spill the details of that "recent" thing.

So what drive me to write this thing over here?

Coz when I opened my email and found out that the result of the "recent" thing will be revealed on the end of the month, my gut clenched. It's as if I've felt that come end of the month, I'm gonna be seeing my name on that list.

What's wrong with that?

Ok, I feel like everything's wrong. Like, departing at a month's notice isn't really appealing. It's as if I got cold feet and I don't ever want to leave my place of work just yet.

And yeah, I'm not gonna deny that it has something to do with my recent source of unexplainable happiness.

What I'm feeling right now... devastation that's soon to happen.

I think I'll just cross the bridge when I get there. But at this moment 21% of me says, I need to grab the opportunity. The other 79%?? Is telling me stay and see if that happiness will turn into something better... like first time bliss that will surely last forever....

- 2012-10-17, @ 2:15 a.m.
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